Greetings from beautiful Montana;
Boundaries are not fences to keep friends and family out, but rather guidelines on where we, personally, feel the most comfortable. Many people are hesitant to set boundaries for fear of hurting feelings or causing resentments. However, people are not mind readers and do not know what you want and don’t want. You must be clear about your needs and desires.
Communicate What You Need
Rather than hope others will guess what you want to do or have in your life, speak up and tell them. It is important that we discuss our choices with them, especially in times of grief and loss. Everyone is emotionally off kilter when there has been a death and may make decisions for you because they think they are being helpful.
Each one of us deals with death and crisis in our own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or to act during a loss of a loved one. Our feelings, coping mechanisms, sleep patterns, ability to think rationally or even to remember significant facts may be altered.
One Notebook or Command Center
Our family found it very helpful for one person to keep an on-going notebook of dates, times, phone numbers and schedules. Everyone referred to her and the notebook, rather than doing some things twice and forgetting to do things. This relived our mother from answering the same question over and over and then not remembering when Cousin Don was arriving.
It also made sure the obituary was correct and that the funeral arrangements were what the departed would have wanted. It was a final gift of love to the whole family.
Life is Difficult When Grieving
Grieving a loss is difficult in the best of times, but holidays make the choices even more confusing. The best advice I can give you to get through this tough time is to set your boundaries and communicate what you need and want from others.
I have confidence in you. You are stronger than you thought.
In support and love,