Are You a People Pleaser?
We all want people to love and approve of us. We hunger to be connected to friends and family. Many people become a “people pleaser” trying to be accepted by others in their lives.
As a parent educator and family coach I have seen children who want approval so much that they will comply with the wishes and demands of others no matter what the cost to themselves. They want so much to please parents, teachers and friends that they give away all their power.
On the playground they play games they would not have chosen. They are involved in peer activities that go against their values. They give in to peer pressure and join gangs only to gain acceptance. Children who are become a people pleaser will grow up to carry the same dysfunction and loss of power into adult relationships.
As adults, they will put the requests of others above their own. Rather than speak up on their own wants and needs, they strive to make themselves loveable by becoming what they think others want and need.
Because they have given away their power by deferring to others, many lack the skills to understand that not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do.
You Are Loveable But Sometimes Still Disliked
Out of every 10 people you meet, 4 will immediately like and accept you. 4 will be on the fence and withhold judgment until you have proven yourself and your intentions, and 2 will dislike you no matter what you do, say or offer.
This dislike is an irrational, subconscious belief that the other person may not recognize. For no apparent reason, some people will reject your friendship. It is okay. Just know that you too, sometimes get “bad vibes” from certain people. Let them go and concentrate on those that like you or can be converted to accept you.
People Pleasers Can’t Please Every One
If it has been your pattern to become a “pushover” or “doormat” who allows others to dominate and disempower you, you can speak up or walk away.
As you learn to set boundaries, you will find that you will work harder to develop relationships with the 8 who are drawn to you and let the 2 who don’t like you to fade away from your circle of friends.
Bill Cosby said,
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Self-Awareness Quiz
- Do you remember disliking someone on sight, for no apparent reason? It is normal to be drawn to some, remain neutral to others and avoid some people.
- Can you set boundaries in your relationships with friends, family and co-workers? If not, there is an excellent article on 4 Steps of Setting Boundaries available free for you at http://www.ArticlesByJudy.com
- Have you found that It is better to say “No” than to resent the person who requested your help?
You do not have to be a “people pleaser” to make friends. You are a good, kind person. be sure to claim your free eBook on encouraging words at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will be glad you did.
